Ever wonder why your body and your mind stop you from going that extra distance to get the success that you want, to be the person that you want, to have the relationships that you want in your life? To have the money that you want in your life? Well, then, this is for you. 

Hey, beautiful human. It’s me, Rebecca Wiener McGregor, and welcome to another episode of Effective Immediately, the show where we talk mindset, healthy emotions, abundance leadership, and I give you a mindset shift that you can make effective immediately. 

Okay, so we talk about this. I talk about this a lot. This is a huge thing in my community, and it’s a huge thing with my clients. And they often come to me saying things like No one in my family has ever had the kind of success that I want, so I’m not sure I can get it. My family has all these ideas that we have to work really hard in order to get what we want. And that if we’re going to prove ourselves, we really have to hustle, and it has to be hard, and everything has to be hard. And they will come to me and say things like I just can’t get where I want to go. I just can’t quite get over that hill, Rebecca, or I can’t see the top of the hill, or I didn’t know there was a hill, and here I am, and I’m stuck. 

Explore The Origins (with Curiosity)

I want to talk today about where these blocks come from, where these stories, and where these limitations come from. And I’m going to help you to kind of see things in a slightly different way so that you’re not mad at yourself when you notice that there are blocks coming up, okay? Because if you get mad at yourself, it’s going to create more division, right? We don’t want more resistance, we don’t want more fighting, we want more unity and understanding within ourselves. So the first thing I’m going to invite you to do is to take a breath and allow yourself to be in a state of curiosity, okay? Be in a state of curiosity about what I’m sharing, about what you’re receiving, and about how you’re receiving it. Okay, give yourself just a little break. I know most of the people in my community have been working really hard for a long time to make things happen or have been really working really hard on the planning stages of making things happen in the visioning stages, and just sometimes can’t get to the level of let’s go for it and have what we want. Even if they’ve had a very successful business. There’s this next level, there’s this next thing they’re trying to create, or they’ve had a really successful business and things have shifted, things have dried up a little bit. And we want to get back in flow. Okay? And then there are the people who are just starting out, who are trying to figure out what the heck success really means to them anyway. So, as you are here, good morning, good afternoon, give yourself a break. Okay, give yourself a break from any judgment that comes up here. And just allow yourself to be with the information, be with the feeling, how the information feels to you. And what, then, do you think you can create with this new knowledge? 

I decided to share just where these blocks about money and success and allowing ourselves to have massive abundance can come from, and they’re kind of grouped into a few different categories. And you’re gonna hear me talk about the fear of failure. You’re gonna hear me talk about the fear of success. And you’re going to hear me talk about, that’s just not possible for me. It’s just not possible for me. Where it didn’t even occur to them that they could have this wild success. They thought it would just be like what they’ve been doing, or some little extra easier version, more free version of what they’ve been doing.

The Seeds of Beliefs

As we are going through our lives, you know, we talk about a lot how a lot of our conditioning is really planted in us before age three, about the time that we even realize that we are we and everybody else is everybody else. We already have our beliefs and patterns set in our minds. Isn’t that amazing? It just blows my mind every time. And what we observe from our parents and our caregivers becomes our truth and our reality. And it’s so simple. It’s like this tiny little moment, this tiny little shift when we witness something, we see someone respond in a certain way in the situation. And it’s like, our sweet little sponge of a mind says, Oh, that’s how you do it. Just like when we learn how to do anything by watching other people, right? My father does with his great-grandson, this little thing where he’ll have a mimic him right, like (makes noise with mouth), and then my great-nephew will go (makes noise with mouth). And it’s the cutest little thing. And this is what is creating conditioning in us, right? 

We’re paying attention to how things are done when we’re very, very young. And we create stories, we create beliefs, we create the way things are done in our mind. Because witnessing someone that we love, someone that we respect, doing it a certain way, says, Oh, then that’s the way I should do it. That’s the way it’s done. And there’s a belief, and all these beliefs, all of these circumstances, all of these moments are in our mind, like as if it’s a file on Netflix, right? All these stories, all these reels, all these movies, all of these documentaries are available to us at all times. So our subconscious mind is then looking for the data that we need to use in the current situation. So we’ll go back to that moment. When, oh, that’s how it happens around money. And it could have been, Oh, my parents, are you about money all the time? Oh, my parents talk about people with money in a negative way all the time. Hmm, oh, my parents just talk about money in a negative way all the time. Money doesn’t grow on trees. You have to work so hard for every penny. Go make something of yourself. There’s no free ride, all of that stuff. If you’ve experienced any of that, it is in your mind. You didn’t do anything wrong to get it there. And your parents and your family didn’t do anything wrong to put it there. They were giving you the best of what they understood, right?

So, acknowledging that and honoring that, then we move into the media representation of things that we see in the movies. Oh, isn’t it interesting that the villain is often portrayed as a very wealthy person who tries to control things and who is very bad? Hmm. So we can have these stories about, well, being very, very rich, very, very wealthy, which means that either rich people are jerks or rich people are bad, or the money gets to them, and it changes them. So here we have another belief, right? And it’s not something that we’re consciously thinking about. It’s something that happens so quickly, so swiftly taken in our mind as a belief.

Community Influence

We can have these people around us at school, the people around us in our religious or spiritual communities as well, talking about money. Often, the lack of money and being really quiet about your money and being quiet about your desire is often taught in religious and spiritual communities, right? Because, and know, there’s no bad thing here. I’m not judging anybody. Remember, we don’t judge. We’re just looking at the data. That we don’t want money to be the focus. We want God or the religion or whatever to be the focus of our daily lives. We’ve misinterpreted things like the meek will inherit the earth kind of thing as well. So, not being too proud, not wanting too much, not being greedy. These are often things that come up in our religious teachings, naturally, so because the foundation of them wants us to be good, right? It would make sense that they want us to be good and to have the focus on our life, about being good, and taking care of others, and doing all the good things. So it’s really simple that people around us share similar beliefs, right? And they might be just a little bit different because of the family they grew up in. Maybe the family they grew up in thought money was okay and it was easy to get money. You can see here there are different strands of beliefs that are happening in our communities and with each other, where you might have a friend who it seems so easy for her to always have money. And it seems so easy, or it seems so easy for her to charge really well for her services and her business. Or it seems like she’s always struggling with money, or she’s always fighting for something, or she is always trying to take the hardest path, charging the least, trying to do good work in her business, and trying to take care of her community, all that. You can see that there are these slightly different nuanced beliefs that happen, right? Because not everybody’s beliefs are the same. And that as the beliefs from society come in, beliefs from our culture come in, all those things get woven into these practices, these beliefs as well. And it’s not a conscious thing. It’s an unconscious teaching. And it’s an unconscious lesson. So we’re not blaming anybody. We’re not blaming religion, we’re not blaming our parents, we’re not blaming our neighbors, we’re just acknowledging where these things come from.

Impactful Moments

Another place they come from is moments in our lives where we’ve had a failure or we’ve been rejected or criticized. And those can make us really averse to risk. Because we have had a negative experience because we have had a financial loss, we’ve had some financial trauma, we’ve had investments that go bad, those can shift us for a time as well, they can shift us permanently if we don’t do the work on them. They can shift us for just a short amount of time. But they will create the story in us that we can’t have it the way that we want. Maybe it’s better not to try things because we will lose. Maybe we will lose more than we ever thought we could. Maybe it will be an exponential loss. And I don’t want to face the criticism of that loss again. I don’t want to feel rejected by others because of their judgments about my decisions. Because most, you know, have families, most of us have loved ones that we share things with, maybe a partner or spouse that knows things about us or an investor who sees the books. Sees the books once the investments have been made and the outcomes have been tallied. So this can make us in that place that can really expand into that fear of failure. I don’t want to go down this road again. I’m going to freeze. I’m not going to do anything (I’ve been there before). I’m not going to try anything new. I’m going to stick with the things that I know. Even though my spirit wants to expand, my mind is telling me, my body is telling me, you’re not going to try it, you’re not going to go that way because it could fail. You could risk so much more. You could have a loss. You could be criticized. You could be rejected. Your spouse could leave. You see, there’s lots of gunk, lots of gunk that happens in the middle of those because of our past experiences. That right there is our subconscious mind trying to save us. It’s our subconscious mind trying to save us from failure again. Because the subconscious mind thinks that failure means that we will be abandoned and we will die. Because our subconscious mind is always trying to keep us safe and alive. It does not care about our happiness. It’s our spirit that wants happiness. I know. Isn’t that mind-blowing?

A Personal Aside

So, I had a massive failure last year. I worked on a project for a long time, and it did not go the way that I wanted it to go. And it made me a little nervous, a little stalled in creating something else because that didn’t work. So I had to do the mindset work, which I teach about. And I had to help myself move past that and be able to take steps to take risks, to put myself out there again, and to do the things that I wanted to do in order to keep my spirit happy. I say that because we can have failures without being a failure. And I’ll talk about this more next time, okay? Be sure right now to honor any times when you didn’t feel the success that you wanted to feel. And maybe you felt like a failure, that you are not a failure. Even though that thing that you tried didn’t work, it simply means that you are a visionary who’s willing to try. So many people never try anything. So thank you for that little aside. But I wanted to share with you that it is important for you to not be thinking of yourself in a certain way, to only be loving and to acknowledge where you are, and to use that data to move forward to create something that can work for you. Try again, get back on the horse, and do the thing. Okay?

Comparison

Another way that we can have money blocks, or that we can stall ourselves or stop ourselves, is when we are comparing ourselves. We have a group of friends, for example, and in this group of friends, it seems like there’s kind of this quiet competition happening. This may be possible for you. Okay, this often happens with friendships who are not all really acknowledging what they’re feeling, what the goal is. And the goal is for us to all be successful. Sometimes, we can get into these little competitions between friends. And we can even see other people succeeding ahead of us and feel like we’ve already failed. That’s why failure, you got to really be careful with that word failure, right? Because we can already feel like we’ve lost because someone else has more than we do. My suggestion to you is going to come in our effective immediately mindset shift to the week, okay, so just paying attention to that, that feeling when you’re with a group of friends, or frenemies, or you’re with your old classmates, or you’re with your group of friends you’ve had for a really long time, and maybe one of you was doing really great, the rest of you were doing pretty well. And there’s a couple of you who are not doing so hot. There’s some dynamics that can happen here where the people who are doing really, really great can be in a position of dimming their light. So this may have happened to you, where every time you show up to your group events with these people, somebody is struggling, so you don’t really want to talk about your successes as much. So you start to dim your light and start to keep your success quiet. And that kind of stops you from being fully present to the success. being fully present in your vision kind of cools your jets a little bit and stops you from being the person that you want to be full out. By the same token, the person who is not doing so well can feel like a massive failure because they’re comparing themselves to everybody else. This is a dangerous place to be. We cannot compare where we are right now with someone else’s current position because the journey for each of us is different. But this can set into our subconscious mind and come up every time then that we’re trying to move ourselves along, or cast the vision wider to see where we could go or what we could do, why can’t have it the way so and so has it so I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t even try or so and so is so much further ahead than I am that I will never catch up. See the stories that can happen? So pay attention to your stories. They are not facts. They are stories.

Our Friends’ Beliefs

All right, and then we come to the friends who have negative beliefs about success. Let’s acknowledge that the entrepreneur’s brain, the business owner’s brain, is just a little bit different than everybody else’s brain. We see things in a different way. We have a big vision. And our work is to push us through to that vision. It is to move us through to that vision. It is to create something for ourselves that has never been created before. It is to create freedom. Perhaps it is to create streams of income. And entrepreneurs have a special kind of gene that says hey, I can do this. I can make this work. And we’ll work really, really hard to make it work. And we can have a support system of people around us who say, Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that you’re trying this. This is never gonna work, and they might challenge us and challenge us and challenge us. And they can reinforce their beliefs by pushing them on us. They can try to tell us that, oh, this will never work. Are you kidding? You’re going to try to be a hypnotist in South Dakota. Oh my gosh, I just don’t think anybody’s going to buy your stuff. I mean, I don’t, I don’t think you’re gonna get any clients. I mean, hypnosis is just too out there. Do people really want to shift their minds? Well, I’m celebrating 20 years as a hypnotist now, but I heard those kinds of things from my co-workers when I was just getting started. I heard them from some friends who were just sharing their fears with me. 

So this is one of those areas where if you’re sharing your stuff with people, you’re sharing your vision with people, you can expect that they might share their fears with you. They might challenge your idea. They might say you’re plain old crazy. They might tell you it’s never gonna work. They might be like, Oh my gosh, I hope this works out for you. And that feeling of massive apprehension that they carry. And that is not because of your vision. It’s because of theirs. It is because of their fears. It’s because of their stories. It’s because they can’t imagine themselves doing it. Because it’s not for them, it’s for you. So be really loving with your friends and with yourself. And notice if you’re starting to take on any of that stuff from your friends, any of the stories that say oh my gosh, I’ve listened to them too much. Their fear is getting to me. Then, you need to start being around more people who will support your wild entrepreneurial ideas. Okay, reach out to me if you need some, because I’ve got some. Okay, so this does not mean that you’re not friends with people who are not entrepreneurs. But that you pay attention to the information that’s going into your mind because it can affect your beliefs, your stories and your outcomes. Write, if they’re going to tell stories, ask them to tell stories of people they know who have succeeded because that’s the kind of fuel you need. 

Fears of Failure and Success?

Finally, we’re going to talk about the fear of failure, the fear of success and simply the belief that I don’t even think that I’m worthy of all of this. And by the way, all of these things can be changed. This is the basis of my work in hypnosis, one-on-one hypnosis, and also in my program, and beautiful community Extraordinary Wealth. So, the fear of failure, that fear can be completely paralyzing. It can lead to procrastination in action and the belief that the harder I try, I just can’t get to where I want to go. That I’m just going to fail every time. This isn’t going to work for me. And so I’m just not even going to try. I’m not even going to put it out there. And maybe you felt that in other places, maybe felt it in relationships, in trying to make a change in your life, break a habit, do something new, start a business, expand your business move to seven figures, all that can be possible, right? Because we get into this place where there’s a nice level of comfortable discomfort, where we’re comfortable with this level of discomfort but if we really go for it, and it doesn’t work, that kind of discomfort could be crushing. This is an internal story, right? And so it’ll keep a lot of people from going to try to expand, to do the next thing, to write the book to give the speech to apply for the thing to get the promotion, whatever the case may be. Because where they are right now is just the perfect level of discomfort. Like, I’m not quite happy here, but it’s not a massive failure, so I’m gonna stay here, and that will feel really yucky. It’ll feel really yucky because it’s not the place where the vision is. Because it’s not an expansion of the passion. Because it’s settling. So we can work through the fear of failure, okay? 

The fear of success. This is something that can come alongside and be with fear of failure as well. So sometimes you can get a two-for-one special where you have a fear of failure, and you’re dealing with a fear of success. Now, the fear of success will sometimes say that, oh my gosh, when I create this success, my life will have to change. I will have to be living in a different place, having a bigger team, doing more things, spending more money, bla, blah, blah, and more travel, etc. And they might be freaked out about one of those parts, right? So, for example, if you have a fear of flying, you probably are not going to be so ready to jump in and become an international speaker. Right? The vision may be there, oh my gosh, if I start getting these really amazing speaking gigs, and I have to go other places, and I have to fly a lot. But I have a fear of flying; I’m going to stop myself because I don’t want to get that successful, and then have a fear of flying and not be able to go where I want to go. Right? Sometimes with the fear of success, the idea is, instead of going for it, I’m just going to settle for what I have because I might not be able to handle what I get. I feel like somebody is really connecting with that right now. So, I want you to be really loving with yourself, really gentle with yourself. And remember, we’re just looking at this as data. We’re just looking at the data here. We’re being very curious about ourselves. Okay, so that fear of success can bring about these ideas of, well, if I achieve everything I want, my life will have to change. Or I have to change everything about my life to be that successful first. And I can’t have a good relationship, I can’t live where I want to live, I can’t do the things I want to do. Everything that I do has to be focused on this success. So, I’m going to talk myself out of it. Oh, these are heavy, right? These can be really heavy, so do not judge yourself about the feelings or responses; just notice them.

Matters of Worthiness

The other one here is that I don’t think I’m worthy of it. This is a very, very common thing that I work with my leader, entrepreneur, healer, coaches, clients. And largely, it comes from that place in childhood where something happened, or there was, you know, there’s something that happened that told them that they weren’t worthy of what they wanted. Whether it was a story in their family, whether it was the way someone treated them, whether it was what they witnessed in their family, and like, Oh, my family is not very successful in this area, so I must not be very successful in this area kind of stuff. And then when we have different traumas, we have different experiences in our lives. And I’ve mentioned these before: health trauma, financial trauma, physical trauma, sexual trauma, etc. Those can shift our beliefs about what we are worthy of. Those can shift what’s possible for us. What we think is possible for us, not what’s actually possible, but we what we think is possible for us because of the stories that we create. I can’t believe someone treated me that way. I must not be worth very much, and so I don’t think I can have the life that I want. Remember, this recent thing that happened, this was a big failure. I just can’t let myself try again. I can’t let myself open up to abundance again, because I just don’t think that I’m worthy of it because I let this other thing happen. Right, lots of story here. Lots of unkind thoughts. So be very aware of your thoughts. 

I want you to remember, you have a resource right here. I’m willing and able to help you to shift those beliefs, shift those internal stories, neutralize them, neutralize the responses in your body, and help you embody the version of yourself that has everything that you want. Let your imagination come to life and even expand, and allow yourself to actually see yourself with the things that you want and move in that direction. You can reach out to me at callwithrebecca.com to book a call to talk about what’s possible for you. You can also check me out at rebeccawiener.com to find out more about my programs.

Your Effective Immediately Mindset Shift

Okay, are you ready for your effective immediately mindset shift to the week? When you feel stalled, when you feel frozen, when you feel that feeling of I can’t do the thing that I want to do. I want you to put your hand on your heart and ground yourself. And as you do, as you take your breath and ground yourself, I want you to ask yourself how much closer to my vision will I be when I take this action? And the answer may be a tiny step. It may be miles and miles advanced. It may be just a little bit. If I take this step, how much closer to my vision will I be? And then allow yourself to remember that even the tiniest step can release the bottleneck and can help you feel a success. A small success can actually help fuel you for your next step. So give yourself that breath. Ask yourself the question, when I complete this, how much closer to my vision will I be? And allow yourself to take the step. No matter the answer because that step, and the success that you create from even the tiniest step, will give you confidence and start the momentum going for you to take your next steps.

Alright, practice this. Let me know how it’s going. Reach out if you have any questions, and I’ll see you next time. Bye for now.

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About the Author:

Rebecca Wiener McGregor, also known as The Anxiety Eraser, is a seasoned transformational hypnotist, trauma healer, and abundance coach. Since 2004, she guides visionary women to break free from anxiety, blocks, traumas, and fears, leading them to a life filled with abundance and purpose. Through her book “Loving Her” and work with conscious women executives, leaders, coaches, and healers worldwide, Rebecca sparks profound transformations, helping her clients embrace their true selves and create impactful, joyful, fulfilling lives.

To schedule an intro call click here.

For speaking and podcasting appearances: love@rebeccawiener.com