Ever wondered why you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling? Why the anxiety seems to come out of nowhere? Why the anger was showing up? Well, today, I’m going to share that your feelings are not wrong. 

Hey, beautiful human, it’s me, Rebecca Wiener McGregor and welcome to another episode of Effective Immediately, the show where we talk mindset, healthy emotions, abundance, and leadership. And I give you a mindset shift that you can use effective immediately.

Today, we’re gonna dive into some of those roots of emotional patterns: stress, anxiety, depression, and rage. And I say this often, but I want you to really to look at this from a place of curiosity. And I want you to look at it as if you’re collecting data about yourself, okay? And I’m going to share with you some stories from the early years of me really coming to understand why people’s emotions are the way they are. If you don’t know, I am celebrating my 20th year as a hypnotist right now. And the things that I have learned about our emotional patterns over the last 20 years, simply by being open and not judging and listening to my clients and paying attention to what I’m feeling myself, I’ve been able to uncover lots and lots of understanding and to kind of take away the mystery of our emotions, because they’re not even mysterious. When we look at them, when we kind of zoom out and look at them from a different perspective, they all make sense. 

A Feeling That Comes Out of Nowhere

Imagine, for a moment, that you have a feeling that comes out of nowhere, and you don’t have to call it anxiety. I always tell my clients that we don’t have to label anything; we can call it pink cotton candy if you want. But imagine you have a feeling that feels like anxiety coming into your body. And it’s causing all sorts of tripping up in your brain: you’re having different thoughts, you’re having some clutter, you’re having racing thoughts, you can’t get to sleep, whatever the case may be. And you’re not alone. Because very, very many people are dealing with these very same things, like one in every four people that has some form of anxiety. And I’m not just talking about the anxiety that just is appropriate. Okay, I always want to make a distinction here because anxiety can be appropriate. You know, you’re driving along, and an animal comes out of the ditch, and you have to swerve to miss it or whatever it is that you’re doing. Even though people will say don’t swerve, save yourself. Anyway, that would be an appropriate time for you to have some anxiety. Your heart might start pounding. Your mind might start racing about the potential of what could happen here and what will go on. This is actually appropriate anxiety. When someone hurts you when they piss you off, and you feel a fit of anger, that is appropriate. 

The things that I’m talking about are when anxiety seems to just be there when you wake up in the morning. Or there’s like a moment of panic when everything around you is safe. But something in your body or your mind doesn’t feel safe.  The kind of anger I’m talking about is the one that just sits there under the surface. It’s always there; it never goes away, even when things seem to be going well. Even when you seem to be in like this great position where things are going great. Maybe you’re even at a party, you’re having fun, you’re talking to people. But there’s this looming anger under the surface, or you just can’t grow your patience. You’re with your kids, you’re doing the daily things that you do with your kids. And there’s just this underlying irritation and frustration that makes your face tight or jaw tight. And it doesn’t seem to make sense for the current moment. Even though our kids are not perfect. Even though we’re not perfect. These feelings can seem to just be fluttering along under the surface. This is what I’m talking about when I’m talking about the kind of anxiety, anger, frustration, and sadness even. So sadness, of course, a very appropriate feeling to feel when something has happened, when you’ve been disappointed, when you’ve been betrayed. When you have a loss, there’s grief and sadness. These make sense. These are appropriate. The kinds of feelings that I help people move are the ones that are lingering. The ones that cause us to freeze. They cause us to feel heavy and not move in the direction that we want our lives to go.

Don’t Manage Your Emotions

So let’s first always acknowledge that there are all of our feelings are appropriate, when they’re appropriate. But when they’re hanging around, in times when the circumstances don’t match, that’s what I help people with. Okay? Now, people will also tell you that you have to manage anxiety, or you have to manage depression, or you have to manage the anger. And I call bullshit. That is not for you to believe. Please do not believe the story that you have to manage those emotions. The truth is that you don’t have to live with them for your whole life. You do have to be responsible for your emotions, you do have to be responsible for your actions taken as a result of those emotions. But you do not have to live with them forever. And I am just going to take a little pause there because sometimes people believe that, Well, this is just the way life is.

I’ve worked with 1000s of clients who have moved anxiety, panic attacks, rage, frustration, depression, grief over, like the hard grief, where it keeps you just in this deep sadness for years and years. Whether it’s a loss of a person, or loss of an opportunity, or a “failure,” these feelings can get stuck. And that’s the kind of stuff that I want you to recognize, can be moved. I’m not talking about curing anxiety. I’m not talking about curing depression. I’m not talking about curing PTSD. I’m talking about going to the root of it, the thing that caused it, and working to heal it. So then, the anxiety doesn’t exist. So then, the PTSD is different. So then the depression is different, less, or even dissolved completely because the root of it is gone.

Stories of Getting To The Root

Should we get into some stories? I think you’re gonna really find some interesting value in these stories because they are real. These are stories, most of these are from 20 years ago, and I have permission to share these stories. So please know that if you are my client, no one ever knows you’re my client unless you tell them. And no one ever shares your stories unless you authorize it. Okay. All right. So, every single time I’m in a consultation with a client, we talk about what they believe is the root of or the reason that they’re feeling the way that they’re feeling. And usually, it’s something kind of recent that has activated a feeling. Or sometimes, they come in, and they have no idea why they are feeling the way they’re feeling based on what’s happening in their lives. My life is really great, Rebecca. I don’t know why I have this feeling lingering. I’m just trying to get to the next level of my business, Rebecca, and I feel like I’m holding myself back. Everything is going well, but something is just not clicking for me. Or I can’t seem to shake this heavy feeling in my body or my heart or my chest or whatever the case may be. When we take just a few moments to zoom out and look at the patterns, we can usually find the pattern where it started and find the root very, very quickly. 

Here’s the story. I have a couple of notes because I want to keep my order here. Alright, so one thing I wanted to share is that one of my gifts is to help you discover the root of whatever feeling it is that you’re trying to move very, very quickly so that you can understand it. And so I can understand if I can help you move it, help you heal it, help you shift it. Okay, so if you come to a consultation with me, that is what we do in the consultation is really focused on finding the root. So it’s really more of a freedom call than a consultation call because you’ll get a really good understanding of why you feel the way you do. And that relieves some pressure as well. And that’s what I hope these stories do for you. Okay? All right. 

Zooming Out

In the first situation, the person had graduated from law school. They were going to take the bar, and every time they talked about the bar, every time they thought about it every time they studied, they would have these massive panic attacks. Throwing up – sorry for the visual – heart racing, feeling yucky, end up in the bathroom. Oh my gosh, I can’t even understand why I feel this way. I’m so scared about taking the bar. Imagine, for a moment, being in this situation, having pretty much your whole future that you have planned since you were very little riding on this test. Even that could be the obvious root, right? I mean, using air quotes here. That seems like the “obvious root”. You don’t want to mess up on this test because, oh my gosh, if you mess up on this test, you delay getting your job, starting your firm, becoming a partner, all the things that come out of having passed the bar exam of becoming an attorney. So that seems like the obvious thing, right? Oh, I’m just really bad at tests. Oh, I just can’t imagine, you know, I’m just so scared about this test. There’s just so much riding on it. It’s so stressful. You can see that that could be the root, right? 

Now, here’s where I’m talking about zooming out just a little bit. I want you to think about it this way: what we did in her consultation was talking about her parents. And our parents are always involved, their existence, their absence, the way they treat us, the way they treat those around us, the way they behave, they’re always involved. It is completely normal and natural that your parents are involved in your emotional patterns because they are the ones who raise you, whoever the parent parental figures were, okay? The absence of the parental figure, the parental figure who was there, whatever the case may be, it is completely normal. This is not about blame. We don’t go to hypnosis, we don’t go to therapy to try to blame other people. We go to therapy, we go to hypnosis, to understand ourselves, and to heal the things that are at the root. Right? Okay. 

Going Back To The Parents

Looking at these emotional patterns, going back to her parents. Her parents want her to go to law school. It was always very important to them that she became an attorney. One of her siblings became a physician. Her job in the family was to become an attorney. Now going back even further, she’s the oldest in her family. Very, very important to her to have her parents’ attention when she was really young. They doted on her, they loved her, they gave her everything. They took such beautiful care of her. They spoiled her. They gave her unlimited attention until her brother came when her brother was born, everything shifted. If you’re a sibling, you know how things shift when another sibling is born.

So because she lost a little bit of her parents’ attention, she started to overdo everything; overgive, overproduce, overdramatize, everything she could to try to keep her parents’ attention. So what happens is she gets into school, and she does every extracurricular activity she can possibly manage. She gets every A she can possibly get. She never fails in any classes, she puts so much pressure on herself to be the best that she can because this has been her pattern, trying to make sure that she stayed valuable in her parents’ eyes. This is the kind of trauma that high-achieving people have in their past usually is at some moment, the attention that was on them shifted. And so they did everything that they had to do, seemingly to feel worthy. Now we know, we know in our hearts, that they’re that we have an inherent worthiness because we exist. But in a child’s mind when the attention shifts, we have to start to get the attention back. Right? The second the mom is on the phone, the child is starting to act up. We go to the pool with our kids, and they say, Mom, watch, Mom, watch. Did you see me? Did you see everything I do? Anytime the attention is shifted off of our children. And this is not for you to go and start to think about how you parented your own children and start to blame yourself for anything you did there. Please don’t do that. Remember curiosity, not judgment. I want you to focus on what’s possible within yourself here. Okay? Everybody goes through what they need to go through. That’s my little asterisk for this moment. 

The Story Our Child Mind Told Us

In this particular situation, the story she was telling herself was that I have to be the best at everything. I have to do everything my parents ask me to do because that’s what holds their attention. Now, this is really understandable at age three, right? And these patterns start to develop deep, strong roots very, very quickly. We’re little sponges when we’re young, and we hold on to everything. And we start to create stories about the world and what it means about us when certain things are happening.

So then, she gets all the way through college, she goes to law school, and she starts having these panic attacks in her last year of law school. Now she’s studying to take the bar, she’s preparing to take the bar, and these panic attacks are getting stronger, like multiple panic attacks every single day. What do you think the root of all this is? Of course, the truth is she doesn’t really want to be an attorney. She was doing it because that’s what her parents wanted. And that’s what she thought she had to do for her parents, for her family, to be worthy. To not be separated from her family. Because the root of all of our fears is a fear of death. And right above that is being abandoned. Because in our herding minds, we know that it’s dangerous to be separated from the herd, to be separated from the family. And that can look like rejection, that can look like abandonment. So right in the middle of this is the fear that her family is going to judge her, the fear that they’re going to reject her if she doesn’t follow through with his plan.These are all the patterns that are swimming underneath the surface and making 95% of her emotional decisions for her because that’s what’s happening in the subconscious mind.

Removing The Root Cause

Now, the outcome is she ended up not becoming an attorney because she had passion for something else. But she wasn’t letting herself have it because she wasn’t living for herself. She was living for her parents. When she took that pressure off and she realized that she didn’t want to do it, all the panic that we had discovered. And actually, we were able to stop the panic attacks pretty quickly because we knew what was going on. And then a few months later, she made the decision: she wasn’t going to take the bar she had. She had failed a few times, and she didn’t want to go through with it. It wasn’t for her. When she found me is after she had failed a few times, or I’ll say she had not passed. And she couldn’t figure out why she was feeling this way. So, we removed the root. We helped her find her worthiness, and then she could reconnect it to her passion. She was able to discover what really mattered to her. She was able to confidently tell her family that this wasn’t her passion and that she didn’t want to go any further. But she was going to use her degree for something else, something that she felt passionate about. So, it ended up being a massive win-win.

Once again, her emotions were not wrong. Now, is it the outcome for a big test anxiety often like this? No, this is a very uncommon situation that I have dealt with with a client. Usually, what happens is I help them release the anxiety that started when they were young because of their desire to be a success at everything, to never fail at anything, and to be the super achiever, the super producer that they had made themselves out to be. So we release the anxiety from the childhood, and that releases the anxiety around the testing. And they go on to pass the test and have the career that they want. That is 95% of what happens when people reach out. They’re just on the verge of their next level. They have to take all these licensing exams, but they have such tremendous fear because the next step is them living the life that they want. The next step is massive change because they are going to be shifting their career, etc. That can create a lot of anxiety in a high producer, in a high achiever, because they don’t know exactly what’s going to happen. And remember every time that we talk, we talk about how the subconscious mind loves us to stay in the familiar. It loves that we stay safe in the familiar and the predictable. So, anytime there is massive change, it is natural for our subconscious mind to try to stop us from that growth, from that change, from that expansion. And we can always help. I have lots of tools and strategies to help calm the subconscious mind and heal the root of any anxiety, any blocks, any limitations so that you can have the life that you want. 

How The Symptoms Show Up

Here’s another one that I’m going to share because this one is, this one’s pretty interesting, because of how it showed up, okay. This woman was in her 50s. Anxiety came out of nowhere. She was living a very successful life. She didn’t understand why it was happening. She was just having this feeling of dread, feeling lonely, feeling lonely in a crowd, feeling hollow, feeling confused. And what we discovered was that her parents had left her alone a lot when she was a child. That’s the way it was back then we’ll say, and also, her parents had a desire to go places and drink adult beverages. And they thought that she was safe at home alone. So they would put her to sleep and put her to bed. And then, once she was asleep, they would go and have parties, go to parties, go to places and have adult beverages, and come home before she was awake, they thought, and she was none the wiser. And it was fine because kids are resilient, and all the stories that we tell ourselves, right? 

So she came to me, out of nowhere, these anxiety attacks came, and the hollow feeling and the lonely feeling and just scared of the dark, fearing just things that weren’t there. And when we have fears that do not match our present circumstances, we know that they are rooted somewhere else. This is what I was talking about earlier about appropriate anxiety or inappropriate anxiety. This anxiety was not appropriate because it was coming out of nowhere. It was when she was waking up, and she was waking up in the middle of the night. She was having tremendous terror in the middle of the night for no reason. 

Emotional Patterns Start Before Age Three

The root of this was because when she was little her parents left her home alone. She woke up when she was very little to a home that was empty. She was about three or four years old. And if you have heard me talk at all, you know that most of our patterns, our emotional patterns, that all of us adults and everyone else are running around with all these patterns started mostly before we were age three. And the beliefs around those patterns really develop before we’re age eight. So we’re all operating on old, old data. We’re operating on old beliefs and, old stories, and old experiences that anchored themselves into our subconscious mind before we could even really understand the way the world works. I mean, I still don’t always understand the way the world works, and I’m 49 years old. 

Survival Mode

Imagine being three, four, 5, 6,7, or 8 years old and having something happen that didn’t feel right. And the story that you would begin to tell yourself. So, she had tremendous terror after finding out that her parents were gone. She ran around the house looking for them and the problem with this is that it wasn’t just a one-time thing. So, she had several instances where she woke up and her parents weren’t there. And this had anchored in this anxiety. But here’s what happens sometimes when we are really young, and we have a massive flood of emotion, but there is something that needs to happen that we can’t feel the emotion, and that is to survive. So, her body switched her into survival mode and told her that she had to manage the feelings she had to manage her safety. She had to take care of herself. So she would run around the house and turn on all the lights. And what she would end up doing was hiding in a closet because that’s what felt safe to her. So, in those moments when we have to survive, the emotions get pushed away in survival mode. It is called survival mode because there is no time for us to feel our feelings. And when we’re very young, we don’t understand that there are feelings to be felt. We don’t understand that we could validate ourselves or say, Yeah, this feeling makes sense because nothing makes sense when we’re in survival mode as a child.

All these years later, 50-something years later, she comes to me with these panic attacks that have come out of nowhere. And she said, Rebecca, I’m feeling very successful in my life. I don’t understand why I have this gnawing anxiety. And there’s some anger and frustration here, too. But I have these random moments of complete panic at night. And the root of it, yes, other things had happened in her life that had added and contributed to this. And we work through those as well. But the root thing that we got to was these moments when she woke up alone in her home, her parents were gone, and the house was dark. She had to go turn on the lights and find safety for herself. 

Honor The Feelings To Move Forward

By being in hypnosis, we could go into those experiences. She could feel the feelings that she couldn’t feel back then and didn’t know what to feel back then. Honor and validate the part of her that experienced those feelings, and she was able to move forward. This is what I’m talking about by not trying to heal depression, not trying to cure depression or panic or anxiety. But what I do is go and heal the root of it. You want to turn off the flame, turn off the gas that fuels the flame, turn off the fuel to the flame, and the flame goes away. That is how I look at depression, anxiety, any of our limitations, any of our blocks that we’re trying to get to the next level, and something is holding us back that doesn’t seem appropriate for the situation. It has a root somewhere else. 

Your feelings are not wrong. Your feelings will make sense to me, and I will help you make sense of them, I promise. Through our work together we work together a very short time, probably about 12 weeks. That’s the standard. And during that time, we were able to clear all of these experiences where she felt abandoned, where she felt unsafe, things that had contributed to this anxiety. Now, mind you, she had come to me and said, Rebecca, I’m very successful; why is this happening now? And here’s what happens often when we get to our late 30s, 40s, and 50s and we are feeling good about our lives. We are successful, we have a lot going for us, our body will decide that this is the time that we have to heal the past because we are in safe waters now. The stuff from the past can bubble up to the surface. And that’s why anxiety can come out of nowhere. That’s why panic attacks can come out of nowhere. That’s why the anger, the frustration, and the rage can come out of nowhere, especially when we’re feeling in a good place in our lives because it’s actually safe. It’s actually time to switch out of survival mode and into validating the feelings, honoring the feelings, and then neutralizing the feeling so we can amplify the confidence, amplify the ease, amplify the abundance flow, amplify creativity, all of that good stuff.

I’ve shared a lot. Please ask me any questions that you want in the comments, and share if you have any experiences like this if this makes sense to you. I want to share with you that because my greatest joy is to help you achieve your goals, I have opened up some spaces for some consultations, and I have three spaces available for my one-on-one program, Elevated Leader. That is where I help you release the anxiety, the stress, and the stuck patterns and the roots of those things so they don’t come back. This is a permanent and lasting shift. And you can feel free, feel untethered, and uncluttered to get to your next level. You can go to rebeccawiener.com to connect for a consultation, you can go to callwithrebecca.com or DM me wherever you see this video. 

Your Effective Immediately Moment

Are you ready for your effective immediately moment of the week? Anytime you are feeling a feeling that you think is inappropriate for the moment, when you’re feeling anxiety that feels inappropriate. When you’re feeling anger that feels inappropriate. Remember, we talked about appropriate versus inappropriate. If the anxiety or, the anger or, the frustration or, the stuckness, or the limitation does not match your current circumstances, that’s when we would refer to it as inappropriate, but do not judge it. Do not judge yourself because that is a waste of time and energy. What I want you to do is put your hand on your heart, take a breath, and I want you to ask your body: Show me. Show me, tell me what you’re trying to show me. Tell me where you’re trying to lead me. Help me understand why I’m feeling this feeling. And your body will give you answers. If you take the time to listen, your body will give you answers. Your emotions are expressed through your whole body, not just the top of your head, not just the think-a-think, okay? They’re expressed through your whole body. So when you’re feeling a feeling that doesn’t feel appropriate for the moment, just put your hand on your heart, honor the feelings, be gentle with yourself, and ask your body, What are you trying to show me? What are you trying to tell me? Listen for the answer. It may not come as words, it may not come as a voice in your ear, or a voice in your head. It may come as a memory, a symbol, a scent. It can come in many different ways, but you can find the answers. And if you want my help to find the answers, if you want my help. Please reach out because this is what I’m here for. 

All right, have a beautiful week. Take good care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Drink lots of water if you found that anything resonates here because you’re already shifting and healing old patterns just by moving your awareness. And I’ll see you next week. Bye for now.

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About the Author:

Rebecca Wiener McGregor, also known as The Anxiety Eraser, is a seasoned transformational hypnotist, trauma healer, and abundance coach. Since 2004, she guides visionary women to break free from anxiety, blocks, traumas, and fears, leading them to a life filled with abundance and purpose. Through her book “Loving Her” and work with conscious women executives, leaders, coaches, and healers worldwide, Rebecca sparks profound transformations, helping her clients embrace their true selves and create impactful, joyful, fulfilling lives.

To schedule an intro call click here.

For speaking and podcasting appearances: love@rebeccawiener.com